Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Wrong Place, Wrong Time.

I'm sure all of us have had the urge at some time in our lives to whip it out (or whip it in I guess for the female readers), at a completely inappropriate time. And it sucks. Because conversely, every now and then the conditions are perfect, with no one around, some fresh porn and, you just cannot get in the mood.

The stand out example I have is in high school. I was delivering a speech about the Russian revolution, and one of the hottest girls in my class leant over to pick her pen up. This left me with an unhindered view of her very ample cleavage. Oh so many times during my high school life had I dreamt of blowing a load all over those wondrous tits. But alas, there were 25 people and a teacher awaiting my research on Rasputin. Luckily for me, I have always been able to stroll through oral presentations, so I managed to salvage the situation (and my grade).

I have always liked women in business outfits. There is just something about that clean, crisp suit holding in a total devil. Of course a lot of the time the super tight skirt does help to amplify this. A nicely rounded ass is always a sight for sore eyes, which is what you see in plentiful supply. So riding home from the CBD in peak hour on a bus is a test of my endurance and patience. The bus itself does not help, with the rocking and swaying and shuddering. All things combine to stimulate my dick. As much as I want to, I cannot rub one out on the way home. This has the unfortunate effect of making it rather difficult and uncomfortable to stand up and move towards the door when it is time to get off the bus.

The problem with watching a lot of porn is that the faces start to burn themselves into your brain. Pretty soon I will see someone and instead of thinking that she is pretty, hot, sexy or whatever, I translate. I'll think, "hmm, she looks like Jill Kelly". Of course I will probably never see the actual person I am looking at, but in my head I have already see everything she does and will do (if that made any sense at all!). My penis is far less cerebral and immediately springs to attention, but alas no stroking there either.

However, it is not all a lost cause. If I am able to store those thoughts (and believe me, the girl with the tits in my class is burnt in there), they provide very much appreciated masturbation fuel when I am in the right place at the right time.

There are of course times when the deed just must be done. The pressure is just too much, and my brain is dedicated to feeding my penis blood and thoughts. These wanks are not the best (obviously), but they release the tension, and make me instantly relaxed.

The most memorable of these was during a walk I went for one night around midnight. I was unable to sleep, and also unable to make use of nature's sleeping pill, so I decided to go for a stroll around to tire myself out, and to get my mind off masturbating. It didn't really work. Since there is not a lot to look at, at midnight, my mind kicked in and started to tempt me with the thought of having a stroke. I thought I would try and tough it out and when I got home, I might be able to have a tug. So I walked on further. Then I thought, what if I got home, and I still cannot masturbate? What then? I remembered there was a relatively new public toilet, in a relatively new piece of parkland on the other side of my suburb. So I headed off in that direction, if only to see it.

I got there, and was thoroughly worked up and ready to unload. I checked out the place, seemed fine. 2 huuuuge toilets (the biggest toilets I have ever seen). I walked in, locked the door, sat down on the chair (there were in fact 2 benches in there!), dropped my pants and got to work. I wasn't going to win any awards for endurance on this one, as a few minutes later I was hovering over the bowl and shooting cum all over the place. Luckily all managed to land in the toilet, so a simple flush and I was off.

You ever been ready to go, but at the wrong time?


Richard Lovel said...

It's funny you mention how images burn in your brain. I was walking on a bike path once, and a full breasted bike rider came my way, leaning seeply over her handlebars. I got a great view right down her loose blouse. (I can hardly beleive she was unaware of the viewing angle she presented). I so wanted to ask her as she went by if she had any interest in watching male masturbators.

Vanessa said...

Definitely. How's this for awkward...being at dinner with hubby and remembering a very hot phone sex session I had just had with someone who was NOT hubby. Got all flushed and tingly...and wanted to whip one in right there! Hubby didn't guess, and I didn't offer! Sigh...

Linda said...

Yes... once, recently, I was lying on my back, with my legs bent, knees towards the sky, in a favorite nature spot near my home, in a circle of redwoods, on a picnic blanket.... I wanted to take off my clothes and touch myself right there, but it was a bit too public for that... *sigh* And, as for the person who talked about the woman bike-rider with the low-cut top.... WHOOO but these women drive me crazy. So crazy that I've been known to wolf-whistle at them or call out, "Nice tits! I hope you realize that us horny bi-sexual middle-aged women are erotically affected by your choice of fashion and how much flesh you reveal, also!" Truth to tell, these are awkward moments for me. Now I have true and complete sympathy for horny 18 to 25 year-old MEN. Whew.... if I had a penis, just imagine the state of my trousers.... And if I rode a bike while clad in a tank-top, people would find me arousing and wank-worthy, too. :-)

Horny Old Guy said...

I have whipped it out at the inappopriate time several times in my life and I've been caught at it too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those weenie waving exhibitionists! It's just that what sometimes looks like a private place to me turns out not to be so.

The most embarrassing time I can recall was way back in my late twenties. I was in a laundromat early in the morning. The only other person in there was a quite sexy young babe. When I spotted her "camel toe", my dick immediately stood at attention. Of course there was nothing I could do about it at the time. She eventually took all her clothes out of the dryer and left. I went to use her still warm dryer for my own clothes and discovered a pair of silk pink panties she had left behind. That did it! Now I was the only person in the place so I went behind some machines, whipped out my dick and wrapped the warm, soft panties around it and started beating my feat, fantasizing about the babe who left those panties.

Suddenly the storage room door opened behind me and a fat Asian lady (the owner or manager I suppose) comes out. Taking one look at what I'm doing, she starts screaming "Get out of here! Get out of here! I call police!" I stuff my boner back in my pants (not an easy thing to do as you can imagine!), grab my still wet clothes out of the dryer and got the fuck out of there. She was screaming "I call police!" at me all the time! Luckily my car was where she couldn't see my plates and needless to say I never went back to that laundromat again! I think I dodged a bullet there! Yup, there are definitely some wrong times and wrong places to whip it out and jack it off and this was the worst time ever for me!

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Anonymous said...

Yes I once had a such a boner that would not go down. I was on the last train home and the conductors come around only once which they did right at the beiginning of the journey. The rest of the compartment was empty. I found a seat where I could see anyone coming in and out. I then whipped my dick out and wanked like mad. After about 3 minutes I came. There was cum all over the train floor which I then rubbed with my shoe. I loved the tension that I might have been caught which made my orgasm even greater.