If there is one thing I don't understand, it is how to talk to women without screwing it up. You may recall this post. Well, I don't know what I said to her, but I fucked it up. Last week, I send an email and get an error. I try again thinking it was temporary, but no. The account no longer exists.
I'd really like to know where I went wrong, what I did or what I said. Unfortunately, I'll never know. Like I have said many times previously, so I wont go on in detail, I have no real experience in this, so everything is a lesson. But sometimes you'd like an explanation to help you.
Now, I might be wrong, something might have happened, something might have gone wrong, I don't know. But, whenever this sort of event occurs, my first instinct is to blame myself and usually I am correct.
There isn't really too much else to say. Without hearing from this individual, I wont know the story. I have had some success in the past week in meeting new people. They still aren't interested of course, but at least I am picking up some stuff. This also throws into question my vow I made at the end of last year to end my reign of virginity. This individual had made it very clear that she would meet with me. Oh well! That's the way things go sometimes eh?
I am going to be getting back into more regular posting, I apologize for my absence.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
January 2007 Totals
I have kicked off the new year in a wanking good way. 42 total for the month. 12 in country and 30 not in country. Both parents left in the final part of January, in those few days I managed to accumulate 17, not too bad an effort.
Friday, February 02, 2007
The equipment.
A few weeks ago one reader left a comment about posting a photo of my "equipment". Well, with my shiny new camera in tow, and a general lack of malaise lately left me thinking, why the fuck not?
I know I am no Ron Jeremy, from memory the last time I bothered to measure I was a fraction shy of 5.5", and am uncircumcised.
So, there you go.
I know I am no Ron Jeremy, from memory the last time I bothered to measure I was a fraction shy of 5.5", and am uncircumcised.
So, there you go.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Eloquent Eroticism
I firmly believe that language is the greatest accomplishment of the human species. It can be used for good or evil. With appropriate context something could be the most vile of put downs, or the peak of eroticism.
Unfortunately for me, most of the words I hear are negative. I'm sure all kids during high school remember the dread of the report card. It is worse when your parents have high expectations, and once you have met them, you have to keep on meeting them. If you have an overly critical boss, or one that just does not like you, almost everything from their mouth is like a knife through your confidence. My point is, that after a while you begin to see negatives in everything. The rare compliment is seen as a snide attack, the helpful advice is seen as a screaming rant.
Where does that leave me? Where I just described.
For years, I had shoes that were hard to fill, and a mindset that everything I did was going to be criticized mercilessly. After a while, your brain seems to rewire itself, it becomes natural to expect spite. If you have an inward personality such as myself, you give up.
You know what? That is one of the most liberating things in the world.
About 8 or so years ago, I did just that - I gave up. If people didn't like my view on this, too bad. If they couldn't stand the shirt I was wearing? Get stuffed. Old hangups still exist, slowly, but surely you can get past them. Things I do are still critized, but so what?
Of course a new raft of problems emerges, not everything can be solved using firm skeptical logic. In my area of expertise, everything can and a lot of times, should be done that way. However, not everything should be solved using that form of thought.
For a while now, I have been talking to someone. Someone who 8 years ago I would have passed by without a second thought. I would have assumed sinister intentions and gone on my merry way. This individual has been one of very few people to pay an actual compliment. Not one of those forced, said-because-it's-automatic compliments, an actual compliment. So odd is this to me that I am unsure what to do.
I thank this person and am pleased they have scared the shit out of me at times, for now I have finally seen the best side of language.
Unfortunately for me, most of the words I hear are negative. I'm sure all kids during high school remember the dread of the report card. It is worse when your parents have high expectations, and once you have met them, you have to keep on meeting them. If you have an overly critical boss, or one that just does not like you, almost everything from their mouth is like a knife through your confidence. My point is, that after a while you begin to see negatives in everything. The rare compliment is seen as a snide attack, the helpful advice is seen as a screaming rant.
Where does that leave me? Where I just described.
For years, I had shoes that were hard to fill, and a mindset that everything I did was going to be criticized mercilessly. After a while, your brain seems to rewire itself, it becomes natural to expect spite. If you have an inward personality such as myself, you give up.
You know what? That is one of the most liberating things in the world.
About 8 or so years ago, I did just that - I gave up. If people didn't like my view on this, too bad. If they couldn't stand the shirt I was wearing? Get stuffed. Old hangups still exist, slowly, but surely you can get past them. Things I do are still critized, but so what?
Of course a new raft of problems emerges, not everything can be solved using firm skeptical logic. In my area of expertise, everything can and a lot of times, should be done that way. However, not everything should be solved using that form of thought.
For a while now, I have been talking to someone. Someone who 8 years ago I would have passed by without a second thought. I would have assumed sinister intentions and gone on my merry way. This individual has been one of very few people to pay an actual compliment. Not one of those forced, said-because-it's-automatic compliments, an actual compliment. So odd is this to me that I am unsure what to do.
I thank this person and am pleased they have scared the shit out of me at times, for now I have finally seen the best side of language.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Sleeping Naked II
Long time readers will know I am fairly incapable of sleeping naked. However, I have been working towards trying to rectify this. So far I am having better success than I usually have.
The biggest distinction I have found is if I am going to masturbate that night. If circumstances have arranged themselves so that is not much of a possiblity and I have resigned myself to the fact I can sleep naked with ease. I have done for a number of nights now since I started trialling this a few days before Christmas.
The next situation is a little sketchy, I haven't had much chance to test it out yet. That is when it looks like wanking is not on the cards, but very abruptly it is and I am still awake enough to have a crack at it. In the two occasions of this it has been 50/50. Once I threw my clothes back on and another, I cleaned up and went to sleep.
The last situation is where the bulk of the work remains. That is when I have "pre-meditated" wanking and I immediately want to put my clothes back on and go to sleep. I, unfortunately have a 100% failing at that.
It seems I am still associating nakedness with arousal, which I think is quite likely the cause of this. I try to be naked in ordinary situations to try and separate the two, but when living with parents it can be more than a little tricky!
The biggest distinction I have found is if I am going to masturbate that night. If circumstances have arranged themselves so that is not much of a possiblity and I have resigned myself to the fact I can sleep naked with ease. I have done for a number of nights now since I started trialling this a few days before Christmas.
The next situation is a little sketchy, I haven't had much chance to test it out yet. That is when it looks like wanking is not on the cards, but very abruptly it is and I am still awake enough to have a crack at it. In the two occasions of this it has been 50/50. Once I threw my clothes back on and another, I cleaned up and went to sleep.
The last situation is where the bulk of the work remains. That is when I have "pre-meditated" wanking and I immediately want to put my clothes back on and go to sleep. I, unfortunately have a 100% failing at that.
It seems I am still associating nakedness with arousal, which I think is quite likely the cause of this. I try to be naked in ordinary situations to try and separate the two, but when living with parents it can be more than a little tricky!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2006 Wanking Totals
I usually do a post on the previous month’s wanking and how it fits with my original posit; do I wank more when the traveling parent is away?
Well it is not only the end of December, but also the end of 2006. I make a note of my wanking in an excel spreadsheet, so I am also able to make graphs and charts to illustrate my points.
The final for the year is
352 total wanks
127 when traveling parent is in country (36.08%)
225 when traveling parent is not in country (63.92%)
Pretty obvious that for 2006 I got more wanking done with one less person around.
Here are the graphs!
Well it is not only the end of December, but also the end of 2006. I make a note of my wanking in an excel spreadsheet, so I am also able to make graphs and charts to illustrate my points.
The final for the year is
352 total wanks
127 when traveling parent is in country (36.08%)
225 when traveling parent is not in country (63.92%)
Pretty obvious that for 2006 I got more wanking done with one less person around.
Here are the graphs!
This graph shows the totals for each month, divided by traveling parent in country (MS/IC) and not in country (MS/NIC).
February had both parents away for the whole month and March had only one away. The same applies this year :D
February had both parents away for the whole month and March had only one away. The same applies this year :D
This is the total number of wanks per month, regardless. The general trend is quite a steep down, unfortunately. I don'treally know how to explain that as I've felt about the same level of arousal the whole year.
The % of wanks each day, throughout the year had. It was a lot more even than I thought.
The % of wanks on a weekday and weekend. Keep in mind the huge difference between in the number of days in each. The actual figure is an average of 0.98 wank/day during the week and 0.94 wank/day during the weekend.
The raw data, if you are interested.
Phew, so that was 2006! And for being so kind as to sit through all those dull graphs, here is what caused the first load of 2007 to shoot out!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Christmas for the lonely wanker
I hate to admit it, but this time of year gets me a little down in the dumps. If you were to ask me in the real world, I would argue against it, full of stoicism, but the truth is, I feel lonely.
Why? Christmas is sold as being a time of togetherness and of people connecting, for some there are religious aspects to it that fulfill them. I have togetherness, and my whole extended family is coming down to our place this year, so I will be catching up with the relatives I see but once a year. Religion is not a part of my life, so I cannot count that. But there is no – one outside of those relationships for me. I do not have a girlfriend and the prospects look pretty bleak to tell you the truth. The 3 months into my 23rd year of virginity can start to be a little taxing.
It doesn’t help when I go to the shops to pick up presents that I am flooded by couples doing coupley things, coupley things I have never known. That is the part that gets me down the most. Of course, only knowing sex with my hand and fleshlight, certainly makes me a little itchy to actually try with a flesh and blood human, I could go a brothel any time I wanted to solve the virginity “problem”, but that isn’t what I feel I am missing out on. No, it is the togetherness that I cannot procure, I cannot replace with porn, fantasies and the occasional eyeful. It is odd, I feel like I miss it, yet never having experienced it, I don’t know what I am missing.
Why wouldn’t I admit to it? I am an only child, and growing up I spent a lot of time on my own, forced to amuse myself. This has been an asset in my adult life, I can enjoy and make the most of time with only my thoughts to keep me company. It has also built a strong sense of self – reliance. It is a blessing and a curse. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and my affairs, yet I fiercely defend it to the extent of turning away people whom on reflection were trying to be friendly and am now sitting here alone on Christmas.
Each year I get similar feelings, each year I shrug them off with the same steely determination. Yet this year it feels a little more major. I am hearing stories of people from high school getting married, having a kid, and I’m reading articles in the paper about my generation needing to get it all sorted by 25 or they’ll be sad old fuckers waiting out the years to the grave.
I had always thought there was a core contingent of people who held out on sex until they were married. Don’t get me wrong, I am not completely in the dark, people have sex and I am painfully aware. I just always thought there was a seemingly high number who held this antiquated belief. Reading in the paper the other day that in my age bracket, that group is less than 1%, shook that right out of me. It also brought the virginity issue back into my head.
My virginity has always been a non – issue for me. I had always considered it a lot like bungee jumping, I hadn’t done that either and it didn’t bother me. But in the present state of using sex to sell fumigation to telephone service I can’t help but feel (and am!) left out.
It has also had an impact on my wanking. I had never really thought about it before, mainly because I tend to come out of any little funk of depression pretty quickly. If I feel really down, I usually have a bit of a cry, go to sleep, wake up the next morning and feel fantastic. I haven’t felt as upset enough to bring any tears out, but I’ve just felt…bland. All the days blend into each other, all my senses feel muted and I just feel dulled.
I think the relationship stuff is going to have to wait, in my whole life I have been on 2 dates and have never successfully asked someone out. That is an area I am going to have to take slow and hopefully find a patient and understanding tutor in the future.
In 2007 I am going to change something. I actually have a bit of money sitting aside here and I’m going to use part of it to lose my virginity. I have thought fairly long and hard over whether it is a good idea or not.
I am interested in your thoughts on the matter. I know many people find the idea abhorrent, but when the time finally comes to actually be with a companion, I want to bring at least something no matter how insignificant to the table as at the moment I have nothing.
But enough of my saddening rambling, I hope everyone has a great Christmas, no matter what you end up doing with yourselves. It has been an interesting year for me, the first time I have ever really confronted too much about myself and I’ve always said that talking about things to complete strangers is much easier. Thank you for reading and all your comments, sorry if I was a bit lacking in replying to comments, I will strive to do better next year! Also, I hope to get to everyone’s requests for gotcum soon and a few new ones of my own, sorry if they are a bit late, this time of year is always busy.
Finally, a little Christmas cheer :)
Why? Christmas is sold as being a time of togetherness and of people connecting, for some there are religious aspects to it that fulfill them. I have togetherness, and my whole extended family is coming down to our place this year, so I will be catching up with the relatives I see but once a year. Religion is not a part of my life, so I cannot count that. But there is no – one outside of those relationships for me. I do not have a girlfriend and the prospects look pretty bleak to tell you the truth. The 3 months into my 23rd year of virginity can start to be a little taxing.
It doesn’t help when I go to the shops to pick up presents that I am flooded by couples doing coupley things, coupley things I have never known. That is the part that gets me down the most. Of course, only knowing sex with my hand and fleshlight, certainly makes me a little itchy to actually try with a flesh and blood human, I could go a brothel any time I wanted to solve the virginity “problem”, but that isn’t what I feel I am missing out on. No, it is the togetherness that I cannot procure, I cannot replace with porn, fantasies and the occasional eyeful. It is odd, I feel like I miss it, yet never having experienced it, I don’t know what I am missing.
Why wouldn’t I admit to it? I am an only child, and growing up I spent a lot of time on my own, forced to amuse myself. This has been an asset in my adult life, I can enjoy and make the most of time with only my thoughts to keep me company. It has also built a strong sense of self – reliance. It is a blessing and a curse. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and my affairs, yet I fiercely defend it to the extent of turning away people whom on reflection were trying to be friendly and am now sitting here alone on Christmas.
Each year I get similar feelings, each year I shrug them off with the same steely determination. Yet this year it feels a little more major. I am hearing stories of people from high school getting married, having a kid, and I’m reading articles in the paper about my generation needing to get it all sorted by 25 or they’ll be sad old fuckers waiting out the years to the grave.
I had always thought there was a core contingent of people who held out on sex until they were married. Don’t get me wrong, I am not completely in the dark, people have sex and I am painfully aware. I just always thought there was a seemingly high number who held this antiquated belief. Reading in the paper the other day that in my age bracket, that group is less than 1%, shook that right out of me. It also brought the virginity issue back into my head.
My virginity has always been a non – issue for me. I had always considered it a lot like bungee jumping, I hadn’t done that either and it didn’t bother me. But in the present state of using sex to sell fumigation to telephone service I can’t help but feel (and am!) left out.
It has also had an impact on my wanking. I had never really thought about it before, mainly because I tend to come out of any little funk of depression pretty quickly. If I feel really down, I usually have a bit of a cry, go to sleep, wake up the next morning and feel fantastic. I haven’t felt as upset enough to bring any tears out, but I’ve just felt…bland. All the days blend into each other, all my senses feel muted and I just feel dulled.
I think the relationship stuff is going to have to wait, in my whole life I have been on 2 dates and have never successfully asked someone out. That is an area I am going to have to take slow and hopefully find a patient and understanding tutor in the future.
In 2007 I am going to change something. I actually have a bit of money sitting aside here and I’m going to use part of it to lose my virginity. I have thought fairly long and hard over whether it is a good idea or not.
- Prostitution is legal where I live
- The reputable brothels have strict rules for both their staff and customers, so I have a close to non – existent chance of catching something
- A reputable place doesn’t force people into the trade
- I can stop dwelling on the issue
I am interested in your thoughts on the matter. I know many people find the idea abhorrent, but when the time finally comes to actually be with a companion, I want to bring at least something no matter how insignificant to the table as at the moment I have nothing.
But enough of my saddening rambling, I hope everyone has a great Christmas, no matter what you end up doing with yourselves. It has been an interesting year for me, the first time I have ever really confronted too much about myself and I’ve always said that talking about things to complete strangers is much easier. Thank you for reading and all your comments, sorry if I was a bit lacking in replying to comments, I will strive to do better next year! Also, I hope to get to everyone’s requests for gotcum soon and a few new ones of my own, sorry if they are a bit late, this time of year is always busy.
Finally, a little Christmas cheer :)
Friday, December 15, 2006
The Christmas Present
The other night was my work’s Christmas party. It was the usual sort of work Christmas party, people got drunk, people exchanged gifts and a few people said things that they regret today.
I usually hang back, I don’t drink and I am not completely outgoing, so it takes me a little while to get into the spirit of the occasion and join in the festivities.
I tell you this because my favorite MILF co – worker was there wearing quite a revealing dress.
At the end of the evening, it was time for all the people who didn’t embarrass themselves to say goodbye to everyone else, and thank people for their gifts. I don’t really get into Christmas, but I do give presents (I know how cool it is to receive them, so consider it my goodwill!). It was time to be thanked, and thanked I was!
She went in to hug me, and owing to the copious alcohol consumed, it was not the normal hug between two people who are colleagues, there was a lot more contact, and my dream of dreams came true, for 5 glorious seconds her rather perky breasts were pressed hard up against me. I wanked to that as soon as I got home and into bed!
That’s my Christmas present, and I am grateful!
I usually hang back, I don’t drink and I am not completely outgoing, so it takes me a little while to get into the spirit of the occasion and join in the festivities.
I tell you this because my favorite MILF co – worker was there wearing quite a revealing dress.
At the end of the evening, it was time for all the people who didn’t embarrass themselves to say goodbye to everyone else, and thank people for their gifts. I don’t really get into Christmas, but I do give presents (I know how cool it is to receive them, so consider it my goodwill!). It was time to be thanked, and thanked I was!
She went in to hug me, and owing to the copious alcohol consumed, it was not the normal hug between two people who are colleagues, there was a lot more contact, and my dream of dreams came true, for 5 glorious seconds her rather perky breasts were pressed hard up against me. I wanked to that as soon as I got home and into bed!
That’s my Christmas present, and I am grateful!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Sugasm #58
This Week’s Picks
6 weird things about me (http://hard-and-fast.blogspot.com)
“I’ve masturbated to completion more than 13,000 times.”
Polygamy, chastity, and sexual pragmatics (http://www.realadultsex.com)
“Lest you think the “sister-wives” could always take matters into their own or each other’s hands…”
What a woman wants (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Tell me about the couple who would have you fuck the wife, and the husband watch.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
My Bare Lady (http://sugarbank.com)
Editors’ Choice
Don’t you dare cum yet (http://bratmaster.co.uk)
Sponsored Link
G-Spot Orgasm Survey
Take the G-spot survey and win one of two £100 LoveHoney sex toy shopping sprees
Sex News & Reviews
Call for Xmas Cocks and Cunts! (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
Discovering New Desires with Naughty Game Play (http://www.taratainton.com)
BDSM and Fetish
A Nawty Story: Jenny Grills Diane (http://anawtymouz.blogspot.com)
Fiction: Timothy and the Pony Girls of the Night (http://erotiterrorist.blogspot.com)
Happy HNT - Sexy candy cane panties (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)
My imminent chastisement (http://battletofindmyself.blogspot.com)
The Truth - Confessions of a sissy cock sucker (http://www.caramelvixen.com/vixen-blog)
Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blowjob Monday (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)
Mile High Club (http://wanklog.blogspot.com)
No Words (http://bigboysa.blogspot.com)
Remembering summer, remembering lust (http://justsexdrugsandrocknroll.blogspot.com)
Sassy Claus (http://nocloudnine.blogspot.com)
Under the Table (http://drtycplinva.blogspot.com)
NSFW Pics (& videos)
Alison Angel - Baywatch (http://hotboxbabe.thumblogger.com)
Crystal Klein Nude (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com/)
Katie’s sexy striptease (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)
Tiffaney 2 (http://facialsluts.ilovejulienight.com)
Sex & Politics
Anti-Anti-Pornography, Part IV: “Da Vinci Code” is Not Pornography (http://www.teen-porn-site.com/blog)
The Return of Segregation and Silicone (http://www.tarasnaughtyshop.com)
Sexy Humor
Ask Art: The Sexual Misadvice Column (http://secretbrain.blogspot.com)
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Bad Santas! (http://www.1trackmind.com)
Fellatio, Round 4 (http://www.betweensheets.net)
Festive panties courtesy of Journey to the Darkside.
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