Thursday, December 21, 2006

Christmas for the lonely wanker

I hate to admit it, but this time of year gets me a little down in the dumps. If you were to ask me in the real world, I would argue against it, full of stoicism, but the truth is, I feel lonely.

Why? Christmas is sold as being a time of togetherness and of people connecting, for some there are religious aspects to it that fulfill them. I have togetherness, and my whole extended family is coming down to our place this year, so I will be catching up with the relatives I see but once a year. Religion is not a part of my life, so I cannot count that. But there is no – one outside of those relationships for me. I do not have a girlfriend and the prospects look pretty bleak to tell you the truth. The 3 months into my 23rd year of virginity can start to be a little taxing.

It doesn’t help when I go to the shops to pick up presents that I am flooded by couples doing coupley things, coupley things I have never known. That is the part that gets me down the most. Of course, only knowing sex with my hand and fleshlight, certainly makes me a little itchy to actually try with a flesh and blood human, I could go a brothel any time I wanted to solve the virginity “problem”, but that isn’t what I feel I am missing out on. No, it is the togetherness that I cannot procure, I cannot replace with porn, fantasies and the occasional eyeful. It is odd, I feel like I miss it, yet never having experienced it, I don’t know what I am missing.

Why wouldn’t I admit to it? I am an only child, and growing up I spent a lot of time on my own, forced to amuse myself. This has been an asset in my adult life, I can enjoy and make the most of time with only my thoughts to keep me company. It has also built a strong sense of self – reliance. It is a blessing and a curse. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and my affairs, yet I fiercely defend it to the extent of turning away people whom on reflection were trying to be friendly and am now sitting here alone on Christmas.

Each year I get similar feelings, each year I shrug them off with the same steely determination. Yet this year it feels a little more major. I am hearing stories of people from high school getting married, having a kid, and I’m reading articles in the paper about my generation needing to get it all sorted by 25 or they’ll be sad old fuckers waiting out the years to the grave.

I had always thought there was a core contingent of people who held out on sex until they were married. Don’t get me wrong, I am not completely in the dark, people have sex and I am painfully aware. I just always thought there was a seemingly high number who held this antiquated belief. Reading in the paper the other day that in my age bracket, that group is less than 1%, shook that right out of me. It also brought the virginity issue back into my head.

My virginity has always been a non – issue for me. I had always considered it a lot like bungee jumping, I hadn’t done that either and it didn’t bother me. But in the present state of using sex to sell fumigation to telephone service I can’t help but feel (and am!) left out.

It has also had an impact on my wanking. I had never really thought about it before, mainly because I tend to come out of any little funk of depression pretty quickly. If I feel really down, I usually have a bit of a cry, go to sleep, wake up the next morning and feel fantastic. I haven’t felt as upset enough to bring any tears out, but I’ve just felt…bland. All the days blend into each other, all my senses feel muted and I just feel dulled.

I think the relationship stuff is going to have to wait, in my whole life I have been on 2 dates and have never successfully asked someone out. That is an area I am going to have to take slow and hopefully find a patient and understanding tutor in the future.

In 2007 I am going to change something. I actually have a bit of money sitting aside here and I’m going to use part of it to lose my virginity. I have thought fairly long and hard over whether it is a good idea or not.

  1. Prostitution is legal where I live
  2. The reputable brothels have strict rules for both their staff and customers, so I have a close to non – existent chance of catching something
  3. A reputable place doesn’t force people into the trade
  4. I can stop dwelling on the issue

I am interested in your thoughts on the matter. I know many people find the idea abhorrent, but when the time finally comes to actually be with a companion, I want to bring at least something no matter how insignificant to the table as at the moment I have nothing.

But enough of my saddening rambling, I hope everyone has a great Christmas, no matter what you end up doing with yourselves. It has been an interesting year for me, the first time I have ever really confronted too much about myself and I’ve always said that talking about things to complete strangers is much easier. Thank you for reading and all your comments, sorry if I was a bit lacking in replying to comments, I will strive to do better next year! Also, I hope to get to everyone’s requests for gotcum soon and a few new ones of my own, sorry if they are a bit late, this time of year is always busy.

Finally, a little Christmas cheer :)

19 comments:

greenlacewing said...

December's a difficult month for a lot of people. I hope you have a happy new year. Personally, I wouldn't go to a prostitute. Maybe you would regret having your first time with a stranger. What if you felt afterward like you had to lie about it to your future partners and future wife? But maybe I'm being old-fashioned and you shouldn't listen to me. If the virginity does bother you that much, and it's within your power to do something about it, maybe you should. At any rate, put me down for a "no" vote.

Green

Linda said...

Dear Mr. Lonely Wanker, I know how you feel. Although not a virgin, myself, I've faced long periods of celibacy, accompanied by doubts regarding my ability to ever attract a mate. I've seen the awkward times where it seemed like "everybody" came in pairs. (Pears?) The advice they give to me, since I'd rather not live without sexual contact or a mate, is to go out more often, mingle with people, don't just sit in front of the computer all day, day after day. Great advice.... here's to taking that first step, and continuing to do that! I know the places where I can go to meet people, or I can research and find out.

Al Sensu said...

I am a fan of prostitution when well-practiced. My only problem with your idea is that if the quality isn't there, it's not always a great experience, and this would be your first. If you are in Nevada, I have to say I've been to three brothels there and the quality was poor each time. I think if you went to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Carson City that is featured on HBO you'd have a good time. You should tell them your situation and I think the ladies there would treat you right. I think a better time might be had with an individual practitioner that refers to herself as a courtesan. And I hardly care of this is somewhere where it's legal or not. One way to find them is just to google the word courtesan and your city. Another is to become a member of bigdoggie.net or theeroticreview.com and read the reviews. And there's a step short of intercourse that can be quite pleasant and rewarding: FBSM, or full body sensual massage. In some ways it's better than fucking because you get a great massage that becomes more and more sensual, and you are finished off by hand. Believe me, it can be way better than do-it-yourself, and it's not terribly expensive. There are practitioners everywhere, legal or not, and can be found through those same web sites. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I am 40 in january. when i was 23 and a virgin going to see a prostitute crossed my mind and when i was 27! i did.
thing is now i ve seen about 35 prostitutes.But do not any more for many reasons.

Anonymous said...

I'm voting no on this, but it's cool that you're thinking seriously about it. I'd wait for sex with a girl you really care about. I consider myself a born-again virgin, since although I did have sex with a girlfriend several years ago, I never really loved her enough, and hence it wasn't that good for me. I promise -- it was actually a big letdown and I honestly feel like I'm still a virgin. The problem was that I just wasn't into her enough. So I'm single again and have been for several years, but I'm content to keep waiting. Although I've thought about the prostitute thing too.

There are only a couple girls I've known who I'd want to sleep with, and these are the ones I've really been connected to emotionally. I'm quite sure that sex with one of them (just one, in particular) would have been amazing, just like it's supposed to be.

So I'm content to wait, even though I'm extremely horny and frustrated. I'm turning 30 soon, so I wouldn't worry about being 23. You'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

Linda has some great advice - get out and meet more people. You will not find a true connection with someone if you don't go out on dates! Being a virgin is not a problem. Find that connection, and your life will change.

Using a prostitute will solve the virginity issue, but you will feel empty afterwards, and will need more, and more. I am almost certain that you will continue feeling empty, as sex is not only the act, but also the complete process around the act. Please wait until you can do it with a person you make a connection with. It does not matter whether that connection is love, passion will also do.

Skittles said...

In highschool, all I could think of was getting rid of my virginity. I had the preception that my "life" would begin once it was gone.

But I luckily realized (in time) that my virginity wasnt something that I could get "rid" of, but rather something I would give someone.

I didnt care about waiting for the one I would marry, rather I wanted to give my first time (something you will always remember) to someone I would actually care about the next morning.

I didnt 'give' my virginity to someone until I was 21. I'm glad I waited, glad I found the right person to share it with and I know that I will never regret it.

Whatever you choose..just make a choice that you will not regret later. You are still young and have plenty of time.

Anonymous said...

Hi man. My vote definitely goes for the brothel. I'm 32 and lost my virginity this way at 17.

I know by your posts that you are a pretty rational person, but I'll say it anyways: most people are opposed to it on moral, religious or simply social grounds. I beg to differ, because the objective problem for you right now is lack of experience, I think. This lack of experience no doubt compounds the usual problems of shyness when approaching someone.

I think you should do it a couple of times so you gain the confidence in your mind that you've been there, that you've been with a woman. Trust me, it does wonders for your confidence when you go out on a real date.

I agree with the poster that mentioned the quality of services. Try not to go on looks. That mega-gorgeous babe might be a bitch that thinks she's superior. Instead, look for someone with a sincere or fun personality that will make things easier for you.

As for having the first time with someone significant, in my view that's bullshit. The first stage in your sexual development will feel satisfying, but when you look at it years later, you'll realize you didn't know many things. You'll make mistakes, you'll be clumsy in the beginning. Furthermore, you'll be nervous in front of someone "significant", trying to impress her, trying not to make mistakes. Wouldn't you like to perform great in front someone that matters to you?

Go for it! (and then tell us about it afterwards). Good luck!

Anonymous said...

You have alredy received some good advice on going out more often & meeting people. (It certainly helps coming into contact with others regularly.)

My advice is to give the prostitute a miss. Target a night out with a group of lovely people. Go for an older woman who is looking for the younger man. A woman who needs cock without a full-on relationship. In that way, she will get hers & you will lose your virginity without spending much more than a night out & a few drinks.

In the meantime - keep on wanking. (It's often better than the real thing!)

Anonymous said...

Hey there
I like the idea of you going to a brothel and explaining your situation, many women like the idea of doing it with a virgin, and if she knows it she will take special care to give you a good time so she stays in your mind forever as your great first time.
Somebody elses idea of finding a horny older woman also sounds good, unless older women turn you off.

I am quite sad not to be living on your continent since i like watching a man jack off while doing it to myself, and you being a virgin is cute as hell.

Dont give up, and maybe if you do pay for it the first time, you will gain the experience of how to handle a woman, so when you get around to doing it with a woman you love, you will know what to do!!!

Anonymous said...

dont get a prostitute. ill be 16 in february and i just had sex for the first time and its not all its cracked up to be. not to mention that there was some alcohol involved and the night didn't go well at all. it was with a girl i have never met before and it is now the night after losing my virginity and i feel very shitty. it may be considered the worst night of my life, which doesnt make any sense considering i had sex for the first time but it wasnt worth it because of all the other shit that came with it.

Anonymous said...

Don't be in too much of a hurry to lose your viginity. A prostitute is not the solution for a first timer.
My partner is a member of a group of mature ladies that worship cock. Their priority aim is to get pleasured by virgin cock.
An inexperienced person like yourself would not enjoy sex for the first time without some tuition. You would cum very quickly & your lady would get no pleasure. To avoid this, my partner suggests that you release a few loads prior to penetration. Your knob would be less sesitive resulting in mutual satisfaction at no charge.

wanklogger said...

Thanks to all who read and replied.

Christmas came and went, and I felt a lot better after posting this. I managed to pull myself out of the funk I was in and returned to my usual self. Ready for another year of wanking!

You have all offered me a number of things to either consider or consider from a different angle. I have a problem with meeting people in that in my work and student life I am generally around males. Seeing a woman of almost any description is quite rare, as such I miss out on much of that. My only friend who is a girl has no other friends of her own who are girls - quite rare eh?

The older woman idea has appeal, and I do have a soft spot for the older lass. However all the older women I know are married, and I'd hate to be the one responsible for wrecking that.

One poster said he had just lost his virginity, and was 16 next month and to give it a miss. I appreciate your concern, and if you look at it from my age only, everyone is indeed correct, at 23 I have gobs of time left. However, and as much as I try and avoid this kind of thinking, something goes twang in your head around 20-21 when you realize that you have missed out on so many things. The problem arises when there is an expectation that you have the knowledge of those things. My friends talk about all these rules "that everyone knows" about dating and for the most part I think they are over-stated, but when they tell me these things, I am literally hearing them for the first time. It's akin to working through your final year of university yet having a junior-high's knowledge of the world - kinda, it's a bad analogy.

As for some other reasons why I have thought about this;

1) Like I said, one day some crazy woman will look past my faults and think I am not so bad. I do not like letting down people, especially if they care about me. The surly clerk in the store, I'd rather not let them down, but in the grand scheme of things I would and it wouldn't bother me for too long. But someone close - I'd hate to let them down. At least I would have a basic understanding of what a few things are and do.

2) The confidence boost, no need to keep getting frustrated about it (I believe someone mentioned this)

Either way, I have plenty of time to decide a course of action, thanks again for your thoughts on the matter, you have given me more things to consider - and whichever way I decide to go, I'd like it to be the right way for me and the only way I can do that is look at all the views.

Cheers, and happy new year!

usedtobeablogger said...

Dude im like 20 .. and you just scared me. if 20-21 is gonna be depressing , i just hit 20 and im already too down for i feel iv missed out on a alot.

Well , ima virgin and from where i come it isnt unusual , this being more of a conservative ctry.

But i do know a few guys n girls who've "done it" , they;re not superhumanly attractive nd in fact ..im at least a tad better than most of them in alot of ways

And please , DO NOT VISIT a brothel for this ... it is a STUPID decsion and im saying this out of good intent.


But trust me , there is more to life than LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY .. perhaps .. a 30 GB premium quality porn collection like i have ;)


hey i also have a lot of music n movies too ..




neways , al get back to my wank schedule .. glad to see someone like you posting regularly abt things most would choose to shy from

and you stay up m8. dont let silly things get you down (telling that to myself too...)

Anonymous said...

u r fucking sad get a life or prossie

wanklogger said...

How very insightful. Did you miss the part, it was about half the post where I discussed a prostitute?

Anonymous said...

Do it! Who cares about "emotional" bullshit? Screwing a real girl is 1 million times better than wanking. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry man. But, just so to make you feel better, I am 26 years old and never kissed a girl. I am horny and lonely most of the time.

I faced abuse as a child and I do not think I have ever connected with a single human being (including my parents), or can.

The reason as to why I will never get a gf is simple : I am a loser and nature will weed out the genes of losers like me. Cruel yes, but I think also true.

I hope that makes you feel a little better - seriously. You are just 23 and can wank with hope that you will be happy someday. I hope you meet someone and fuck her brains out.

cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Although I often use prostitutes, I would agree with the advice that, for the first time, use a cock-starved older lady. Apart from the fact that it will be free with free repeat visits, you will get a genuine performance from someone who is grateful of your erection, as opposed to resentful (although some whores are very good actresses).

Use a whore for the stuff your older mistress won't do, which will vary a lot (anal, hair pulling, etc). Visit one and use her when you have those urges. In the meantime, maintain a relationship with a lady aged 50-70 for maximum gratitude and you can be sure she will open for you regularly.

Don't worry too much about married ladies, they are all very good at hiding their young toys from their husbands once they get to about 50.

If you don't know any ladies who are eager for your cock, try to pick a few up until you find a suitable one. Prepare to have your face slapped a few times! I tend to chat up the ones who dress far too young - they are usually looking for younger cock(s).

For further advice, read http://www.grannysexforum.com
and maybe pm me there