Sleeping naked is the saga that just doesn't end, I know. But, compared to the last time I wrote about this, things are going a lot better.
I have managed to get over the possibility of being walked in on. Hooray for small mercies! For around 5 weeks now I have slept naked every night, except some exceptionally cold nights for this time of year, a few times I forgot and the times I jerked off.
I don't think I will count the cold nights as failures, just doesn't seem fair. Despite wanting to sleep naked, clothes serve a great purpose as regulators of temperature. Plus, the times I forgot, well sometimes it happens.
I think I've done well. And it is significantly more comfortable.
But there was one last category there, after masturbating. This hangup still exists. After waking up a week ago and seeing two lovely splotches of dried cum on my boxer shorts I got all nervous about the idea - again. However, boxer shorts are easy, you just stuff them in the wash, they come out clean and no one is the wiser. They are small, "bundleable", good for covert washing. Sheets are not so covert. Big splotchy stains of jizz are not the greatest thing to have there.
But to change this, I will need to change an aspect of my behavior. Afterwards, I tend to feel relatively placid, relaxed but unfortunately feel a little guilty about the amount of time I spent. Time I "should have been doing something important", well up until this point, thesis stuff. I am also somewhat a twoface in this regard. I have incredibly liberal views on many things, but I would say I had a fairly conservative upbringing. I tend to have days of being one or the other. Do other people have this? I think afterwards, the conservative wanklogger becomes a little more prevalent and I tend to get my pants on quickly and get on with it.
For interest sake, I used to be very conservative. Those politicians of the world labelled neo-cons and ultra-right wing, that was my leaning. Something along the way happened, and all that has changed. But my conservative mindset, being that work is its own reward and the be-all-and-end-all of living sometimes forms my way of thinking.
I much prefer my liberal side, it is just more fun!
What I need to do is hold off the clean up for a little while, to squeeze out the last few drops. Thereby ensuring splotchy cum residue is not a problem. Interestingly, I think this will be a little more than just that. I have to let my more conservative side become less dominant. I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
One year on
Around this time last year I wrote this post. On the one hand I could say that things haven't changed much. I still feel a little lonely this time of year, and this year is no different in that regard. I don't have any significant other for the coupley type stuff. A friend says I don't want that, but it's easy for him to say when he has tried it, and hypocritically lives with his girlfriend.
Each year I ask a few women out. For me this constitute a fairly high percentage of the women I meet each year - just because I meet so few. I hope once I move out of university life and into working life my social circle will expand.
I should explain something though. When writing last year's post I was quite sad. Really sad. It had got to me a lot more than usual. This year, it all doesn't seem so monolithic and disheartening. Which I am glad about, I felt pretty shitty last year.
So what changed?
Several things, no single thing did it, but it was a combination of all.
I was given more responsibility this year
Writing a thesis is tough. It's a mountain of work, and at the start of the year you are plagued with self-doubt. Self-doubt to a degree I've never experienced, I thought I was swimming in the deep end. With sharks. With teeth made of dynamite.
But I pressed on.
I worked on it, and in the end finished it well enough to pick up an award from a private company and the highest possible mark I could.
I learnt tons of stuff in my area of research, research methods, philosophical arguments about research and advanced concepts in my area of interest. All good stuff. But the one thing I value above all else was that I learnt if I put my mind and effort into something, I can do it. Which is a huge confidence booster. Presenting the findings of your research to a room full of academics, people who seem tuned to finding holes in research is a gut wrencher. But pulling it off puts you on cloud 9.
Attitude change
I avoid risk. I like situations I understand, situations I can control. Control leads to measurement, consistent measurement leads to a basis for comparison. I am a positivist at heart! Works for experiments, doesn't work so well on people.
I tried to care less about the consequences of my actions and to occasionally venture a bit further than I would. It worked, more often than not. The world didn't fall apart if I took a risk! Hooray! During the year I consulted my university's counselling program, to see if they could offer any advice on another issue I had/have/having. My counsellor told me to peg my happiness on things I can control and not things I have no control over.
Good advice. So good and simple I felt like a twit for not thinking of it sooner. It has helped.
Physical changes
I can't shy away from the correlation between my weight loss and
As for the wanking - this one was unexpected. A few months back I was in the shower. Things were getting a bit hairy, so I got out the razor and cleaned up. Drying myself, my cock felt different. Peculiar and ignored. I scurried over to my bedroom and did the usual night time things. I switched off the light and felt immediately horny, a bit Pavlovian really. Nope, my cock definitely felt different that night. The following day, the same. I finally figured it out. The weight loss had been so dramatic, that the bulge that formed my pubes was residing, and still is. All told, I "gained" about an inch.
Virginity
The big one I was upset about last year.
Well, I found a fix for my problem. I look forward to revisiting the brothel in the new year.
This year has been good. I am the happiest in years, I feel confident in my actual abilities. I think this is helping me socially. Like I said, I am an only child and I think my nature led to me not being as socialized as I could have been when younger.
However, I made this year the year of discipline. I decided I would
I think I did all 3!
I know this post has very little to do with wanking, in fact nothing to do with wanking. It's easier to face problems with people who don't know you, thank you for reading, have a good Christmas/New Year! I will be continuing in 2008.
Each year I ask a few women out. For me this constitute a fairly high percentage of the women I meet each year - just because I meet so few. I hope once I move out of university life and into working life my social circle will expand.
I should explain something though. When writing last year's post I was quite sad. Really sad. It had got to me a lot more than usual. This year, it all doesn't seem so monolithic and disheartening. Which I am glad about, I felt pretty shitty last year.
So what changed?
Several things, no single thing did it, but it was a combination of all.
I was given more responsibility this year
Writing a thesis is tough. It's a mountain of work, and at the start of the year you are plagued with self-doubt. Self-doubt to a degree I've never experienced, I thought I was swimming in the deep end. With sharks. With teeth made of dynamite.
But I pressed on.
I worked on it, and in the end finished it well enough to pick up an award from a private company and the highest possible mark I could.
I learnt tons of stuff in my area of research, research methods, philosophical arguments about research and advanced concepts in my area of interest. All good stuff. But the one thing I value above all else was that I learnt if I put my mind and effort into something, I can do it. Which is a huge confidence booster. Presenting the findings of your research to a room full of academics, people who seem tuned to finding holes in research is a gut wrencher. But pulling it off puts you on cloud 9.
Attitude change
I avoid risk. I like situations I understand, situations I can control. Control leads to measurement, consistent measurement leads to a basis for comparison. I am a positivist at heart! Works for experiments, doesn't work so well on people.
I tried to care less about the consequences of my actions and to occasionally venture a bit further than I would. It worked, more often than not. The world didn't fall apart if I took a risk! Hooray! During the year I consulted my university's counselling program, to see if they could offer any advice on another issue I had/have/having. My counsellor told me to peg my happiness on things I can control and not things I have no control over.
Good advice. So good and simple I felt like a twit for not thinking of it sooner. It has helped.
Physical changes
I can't shy away from the correlation between my weight loss and
- confidence
- mental state
- wanking
As for the wanking - this one was unexpected. A few months back I was in the shower. Things were getting a bit hairy, so I got out the razor and cleaned up. Drying myself, my cock felt different. Peculiar and ignored. I scurried over to my bedroom and did the usual night time things. I switched off the light and felt immediately horny, a bit Pavlovian really. Nope, my cock definitely felt different that night. The following day, the same. I finally figured it out. The weight loss had been so dramatic, that the bulge that formed my pubes was residing, and still is. All told, I "gained" about an inch.
Virginity
The big one I was upset about last year.
Well, I found a fix for my problem. I look forward to revisiting the brothel in the new year.
This year has been good. I am the happiest in years, I feel confident in my actual abilities. I think this is helping me socially. Like I said, I am an only child and I think my nature led to me not being as socialized as I could have been when younger.
However, I made this year the year of discipline. I decided I would
- Work hard at university, harder than ever before
- Get serious about fixing myself physically
- Deal with some inner "demons"
I think I did all 3!
I know this post has very little to do with wanking, in fact nothing to do with wanking. It's easier to face problems with people who don't know you, thank you for reading, have a good Christmas/New Year! I will be continuing in 2008.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Kyla Cole Mega Post!
For me, Kyla Cole is like Alley Baggett. I can always turn to her for some enjoyment. And enjoy I did!
Sugasm #109
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #110? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Body Image In Art, Porn & Media
“Imposing it upon myself, or accepting that someone else has the right to impose it upon me, is something I can refuse to do.”
The Importance of Getting Tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections
“I am taking care of myself. I wish they would do the same.”
When Natural Doesn’t Feel Natural at All
“I’d kept mine neatly trimmed for so long, then cleanly shaved, that I couldn’t remember what I look like in full and natural form.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
Pic(k) of the Day
Editor’s Choice
Darkroom Fantasy
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Erotic Writing and Experiences
A Blow By Blow Lesson
The Butch/Femme Tango
CyberGirl and I last night…
Endless to everlasting
Happy Birthday
“He”…
I told her of my blog
Making love, man to man
MILF Barbie
Confessions: My First Blowjob
O
The Other Side Of The Table - Part 4
Possession
NSFW Pics & Videos & Audio
Ekaterina (Hegre)
HNT: Downblouse/Upskirt Tease
Kimberley Franklin - White High Heels
Orchid
Shay Laren dancing topless
Sex History
Antique Tommy Also Came
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
“The Dinner Party”
Dipping My Toes In Foreign Waters - Polyamory
World AIDS Day
Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Catalina loves XXXmas Shopping
The Cone
From Object to Subject
Memphis Monroe HotMovies Interview
My reason
NEW Blogging Designs!
Sexy’s New Holiday Center & Erotica Contest - Win $25.00!
Sex Poetry
The Crescendo
Half-Nekkid Haiku
BDSM & Fetish
Blow-up dolls
An Erotic Picnic
Goody Fellatrix
I’m TOO submissive
My Play Piercing Video
Soulmates Reunited
Tale of a Shoe Fucking Piss Slut
Wait.
Webcamming, Bondage, and Amateur Porn…
Friday, December 07, 2007
4 Lesbians
I have no idea who they are. But there are 4 of them, and something missing from their photo set :P
Video
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
A Crush
I have a crush on someone. I rarely entertain crushes because I have a 100% failure rate and they tend to somewhat crush me in the process.
Last week was my final exam, ever. My university days are over and I have a nice slice of time where I have nothing at all planned. I am not looking for work right away, my lack of working experience deems me starting off right down the bottom - I'm not in a huge hurry to begin either :).
It is with no surprise that I was in high spirits whilst walking the dog. We went to the park, the dog ran around, I threw his ball for him and savoured the sweet taste of freedom.
In the distance I saw a girl walking her dog, which seemed fairly puppy-like and mischievous. I think nothing more of it. Occasionally I check the proximity to see if her dog will take off after my dog and I have to step in. But no, she walks off and a few minutes later, my dog has had enough and we head home.
Our paths cross again not far away, I took the direct route through the park and she took the looping pathway.
As I approach I decide to try and have a conversation. I am in unusually high spirits and my confidence is doing ok these days. Even if for the chance to meet another local dog owner.
I can talk to almost anyone. Which surprises me, because for years I was not talkative, period. I don't go so well with women I am attracted to though. I tend to become absorbed in what I am doing, which means what I am doing loses traction and then it all falls apart.
So, given that, I had what I could reasonably describe as the best ever conversation with someone I am attracted to.
She laughed at my jokes, actually participated in the conversation (I usually feel like I am interrogating someone, it is off putting). All of this went on for about 15 minutes. She left with a handshake and I found out her name.
If I see her again, I think I will do one of the few things that truly scares me - try to ask her out.
Last week was my final exam, ever. My university days are over and I have a nice slice of time where I have nothing at all planned. I am not looking for work right away, my lack of working experience deems me starting off right down the bottom - I'm not in a huge hurry to begin either :).
It is with no surprise that I was in high spirits whilst walking the dog. We went to the park, the dog ran around, I threw his ball for him and savoured the sweet taste of freedom.
In the distance I saw a girl walking her dog, which seemed fairly puppy-like and mischievous. I think nothing more of it. Occasionally I check the proximity to see if her dog will take off after my dog and I have to step in. But no, she walks off and a few minutes later, my dog has had enough and we head home.
Our paths cross again not far away, I took the direct route through the park and she took the looping pathway.
As I approach I decide to try and have a conversation. I am in unusually high spirits and my confidence is doing ok these days. Even if for the chance to meet another local dog owner.
I can talk to almost anyone. Which surprises me, because for years I was not talkative, period. I don't go so well with women I am attracted to though. I tend to become absorbed in what I am doing, which means what I am doing loses traction and then it all falls apart.
So, given that, I had what I could reasonably describe as the best ever conversation with someone I am attracted to.
She laughed at my jokes, actually participated in the conversation (I usually feel like I am interrogating someone, it is off putting). All of this went on for about 15 minutes. She left with a handshake and I found out her name.
If I see her again, I think I will do one of the few things that truly scares me - try to ask her out.
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