I firmly believe that language is the greatest accomplishment of the human species. It can be used for good or evil. With appropriate context something could be the most vile of put downs, or the peak of eroticism.
Unfortunately for me, most of the words I hear are negative. I'm sure all kids during high school remember the dread of the report card. It is worse when your parents have high expectations, and once you have met them, you have to keep on meeting them. If you have an overly critical boss, or one that just does not like you, almost everything from their mouth is like a knife through your confidence. My point is, that after a while you begin to see negatives in everything. The rare compliment is seen as a snide attack, the helpful advice is seen as a screaming rant.
Where does that leave me? Where I just described.
For years, I had shoes that were hard to fill, and a mindset that everything I did was going to be criticized mercilessly. After a while, your brain seems to rewire itself, it becomes natural to expect spite. If you have an inward personality such as myself, you give up.
You know what? That is one of the most liberating things in the world.
About 8 or so years ago, I did just that - I gave up. If people didn't like my view on this, too bad. If they couldn't stand the shirt I was wearing? Get stuffed. Old hangups still exist, slowly, but surely you can get past them. Things I do are still critized, but so what?
Of course a new raft of problems emerges, not everything can be solved using firm skeptical logic. In my area of expertise, everything can and a lot of times, should be done that way. However, not everything should be solved using that form of thought.
For a while now, I have been talking to someone. Someone who 8 years ago I would have passed by without a second thought. I would have assumed sinister intentions and gone on my merry way. This individual has been one of very few people to pay an actual compliment. Not one of those forced, said-because-it's-automatic compliments, an actual compliment. So odd is this to me that I am unsure what to do.
I thank this person and am pleased they have scared the shit out of me at times, for now I have finally seen the best side of language.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Sleeping Naked II
Long time readers will know I am fairly incapable of sleeping naked. However, I have been working towards trying to rectify this. So far I am having better success than I usually have.
The biggest distinction I have found is if I am going to masturbate that night. If circumstances have arranged themselves so that is not much of a possiblity and I have resigned myself to the fact I can sleep naked with ease. I have done for a number of nights now since I started trialling this a few days before Christmas.
The next situation is a little sketchy, I haven't had much chance to test it out yet. That is when it looks like wanking is not on the cards, but very abruptly it is and I am still awake enough to have a crack at it. In the two occasions of this it has been 50/50. Once I threw my clothes back on and another, I cleaned up and went to sleep.
The last situation is where the bulk of the work remains. That is when I have "pre-meditated" wanking and I immediately want to put my clothes back on and go to sleep. I, unfortunately have a 100% failing at that.
It seems I am still associating nakedness with arousal, which I think is quite likely the cause of this. I try to be naked in ordinary situations to try and separate the two, but when living with parents it can be more than a little tricky!
The biggest distinction I have found is if I am going to masturbate that night. If circumstances have arranged themselves so that is not much of a possiblity and I have resigned myself to the fact I can sleep naked with ease. I have done for a number of nights now since I started trialling this a few days before Christmas.
The next situation is a little sketchy, I haven't had much chance to test it out yet. That is when it looks like wanking is not on the cards, but very abruptly it is and I am still awake enough to have a crack at it. In the two occasions of this it has been 50/50. Once I threw my clothes back on and another, I cleaned up and went to sleep.
The last situation is where the bulk of the work remains. That is when I have "pre-meditated" wanking and I immediately want to put my clothes back on and go to sleep. I, unfortunately have a 100% failing at that.
It seems I am still associating nakedness with arousal, which I think is quite likely the cause of this. I try to be naked in ordinary situations to try and separate the two, but when living with parents it can be more than a little tricky!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2006 Wanking Totals
I usually do a post on the previous month’s wanking and how it fits with my original posit; do I wank more when the traveling parent is away?
Well it is not only the end of December, but also the end of 2006. I make a note of my wanking in an excel spreadsheet, so I am also able to make graphs and charts to illustrate my points.
The final for the year is
352 total wanks
127 when traveling parent is in country (36.08%)
225 when traveling parent is not in country (63.92%)
Pretty obvious that for 2006 I got more wanking done with one less person around.
Here are the graphs!
Well it is not only the end of December, but also the end of 2006. I make a note of my wanking in an excel spreadsheet, so I am also able to make graphs and charts to illustrate my points.
The final for the year is
352 total wanks
127 when traveling parent is in country (36.08%)
225 when traveling parent is not in country (63.92%)
Pretty obvious that for 2006 I got more wanking done with one less person around.
Here are the graphs!
This graph shows the totals for each month, divided by traveling parent in country (MS/IC) and not in country (MS/NIC).
February had both parents away for the whole month and March had only one away. The same applies this year :D
February had both parents away for the whole month and March had only one away. The same applies this year :D
This is the total number of wanks per month, regardless. The general trend is quite a steep down, unfortunately. I don'treally know how to explain that as I've felt about the same level of arousal the whole year.
The % of wanks each day, throughout the year had. It was a lot more even than I thought.
The % of wanks on a weekday and weekend. Keep in mind the huge difference between in the number of days in each. The actual figure is an average of 0.98 wank/day during the week and 0.94 wank/day during the weekend.
The raw data, if you are interested.
Phew, so that was 2006! And for being so kind as to sit through all those dull graphs, here is what caused the first load of 2007 to shoot out!
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