Why do I masturbate?

For me, masturbation is not just a form of release. I know many people see it as something you do when you are after some quick nourishment, like eating a burger. There are alternatives, better alternatives, but there is always the burger to fall back on if all else fails. I don't particularly like this view.

It fails to take into account the people who have problems with self - esteem and confidence. This is me.

In a few weeks, I have a birthday. That will be all those years without ever being on a date, being a virgin and always fighting a battle with yourself in your head.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not in any sort of position to do any harm. I am doing well at pretty much everything else in life. University is going great, I start post - graduate studies next year, I have a stable life, modest but adequate employment, a social life and many friends.

As any breathing male, I have had sex on the mind since the second I hit puberty. I was a lot more caught up in my own world during school, and as such I never had much of a chance to get to know anyone of the female persuasion. I also was not the most disciplined of eaters, and put on heaps of weight. I don't wish to blame anyone for that,

So, where does masturbation fit in?

After one of many sex-ed classes, we had to read some text book. I hit upon the page on masturbation, and read it over and over and over. I could, for the most part, experience sex without the seemingly huge task of getting a partner.

In the start, it was all about release. And the thrill of it all. Also, until that point, I had seen the body as more or less a toolbox. You have a bunch of stuff, it does important things, it isn't terribly exciting. My penis was something to urinate out of, and have the hassle of cleaning.

Fast forward a few years. I soon found that right after ejaculating, everything sort of worked itself out.

• The constant doubting myself stopped
• I felt genuinely happy
• I felt calm
• I felt willing to speak to people
• I felt like my problems, (either mental or related to school / life), even though they presented challenges, could be overcome.
• I could sleep. My mind goes flat out with random thoughts all day, that falling asleep can be problematic.

Aside from the pleasure, which is always enjoyable, they are reasons I masturbate.

Where does this blog fit in?

I am an introvert. I always have been, and I always will be. I have read that many introverts feel like they are acting when in public. That is the situation for me, and on top of that I did acting classes for over a decade. I have no problems in doing a presentation to 200 people, going my own eccentric way through public or anything else that requires confidence. But, ask me about sex, and I get squeamish. The problem is, I do have a few thoughts about it, but I could never get the courage to actually say them. This is a great chance for me to have my say.

So, what does the future hold? I can only guess ;)

I am still, slowly but surely losing the excess weight. I exercise every day for around a minimum of 1 hour. I have dropped so much that when I see myself in photos from a few years ago, I cannot believe it is me. But, you never really notice it yourself, you see yourself every day.

I don't doubt that I will meet someone, one day. But I will keep on masturbating until I can not. It is one of the few times, when things fall into place, fit together and make sense. You could argue a connection to a deity, not being religious, I would say masturbation is nature's own demister for the mind.

After reading that back, it sounds a little morbid and depressing. I'd like to say, that wasn't my intention. I am on the whole quite an upbeat sort of person, but I hide much of what I have said, under many layers.

So please, rub one out and see clearly :)