Friday, July 20, 2007

Things I Would Like to See in Porn

Being a young, unattached male with a broadband connection, I have porn, stacks of it. Now, you have have to hand it to the manufacturers in their creativity in coming up with new ideas for an essentially rather predictable show. You especially have to hand it to the title creators, the modern wordsmiths.

So, here is a list of some of the things I would like to see

Captions/Subtitles

Subtitles in porn would serve no real purpose, the audio track is pretty standard. Any actual speech is usually pretty trite. I can't speak on behalf of the deaf, but I would say that it is more useful having the news with captions than "Busty Anal Sluts 23". However, there seems to be a great deal of things in the porn world purely done for novelty value. This would indeed satisfy that.

Have Plot? Do it right!

The plots in porn are atrocious. While I would love my bank manager to blow me, it ain't going to happen (maybe if I take out that new loan they are pushing? :P). I also doubt the pizza delivery girl is going to get all excited over delivering a pizza to me (tipping is not custom here). Pirates had done a decent enough job. But, for the rest of porn, plot isn't a compartmentalised chunk of a film, it is the film. Now I like a film purely about screwing, but if that is the case, drop the plot!

Ordinary Things

This one is my own personal oddities. I like ordinary things. I like seeing the different sort of taps used in a different country when I travel. I like the little things, the door knobs, the way of saying the time of day, all that kind of stuff. Now, I understand porn is a pretty hyperreal fantasy world, but I would like to see some more ordinary things. The first thing to come to mind, is having a starlet dressed as a regular normal person and have all the whore gear on underneath the battered track pants and sweatshirt, while trampling around in grubby sneakers. Odd, I know.

Director's Commentary

What exactly would they say? "We went for a dick in pussy shot for this scene". I know, it is pointless. I'd still push the button on my remote to sate my curiosity.

Skippable Menus

This is my final one, more of a gripe. Some titles have menus are unable to be skipped. The copyright stuff I can understand, but not being allowed to skip ads for phone sex lines and pills with dubious claims, give me a break! I got my pants down, dick out and in my hand, skip, skip damn you!

7 comments:

Vixen said...

I think a director's commentary would rock!

Anonymous said...

Hi my friend!
Why don't U post any photo U liked to wank to?

Bye!!

Addams

wanklogger said...

Hi!

It has been fairly quiet on the wanking front lately, but I will keep it in mind for the next week :)

Catalina said...

Like you, I share your affinity for the "normal things". That's why I ultimately like amateur porn better, because you get to see the things on people's dressers, bedstands, and the funny spiderman sheets on their beds! It gives a more realistic voyeur feeling to me. Bravo on this post! I love it.

Listener said...

I agree with the "ordinary things" comment. Whenever I write, I find myself getting lost in ordinary things, in little movements -- how someone throws away the bag they brought their lunch in, for example.

These days porn seems to follow the "interview, dance around, play with a toy, oral, general, anal, A2M, splooge" format. It would be interesting to see other parts of these porn houses -- like, for example, what sorts of detritus is stuck on the refrigerator door? Things like that.

wanklogger said...

Yes! Seeing the weekly shopping list stuck to the fridge door with a magnet is interesting. The way I always see it, a casino, hotel, road, highway etc. is pretty much the same anywhere, but the little things make the difference.

It is a little peculiar though, whilst a lot of mass-market stuff is very samey (by definition, and porn is no exception), for an field so well set up to the tiniest of fetishes it is curiously absent

Just A Ordinary Deaf Guy said...

Finally, a guy who recognize importance of captions or SDH for deaf and hard of hearing people like me. I know actors and actresses talk shit but like you said above, at least we can see what they babble away while positioning themselves *lol*. Good listing, man!